Jesus of Nazareth, an Obiturary

Jerusalem- Jesus of Nazareth son of Joseph the Carpenter and Mary descandent of our King David was killed today as punishment for various offenses against the peace of the Romans. The formal charge listed upon his cross referred to him as the King of the Jews. It was believed by many that his public teaching was fometting distrust and hostility against the leadership of both the regional and Roman authorities. He recently entered Jerusalem to much fanfare as many seemed to believe that he was the long awaited Messiah who would establish the rule of God on earth.
Authorities and many former followers contend his death proves otherwise. “In recent years our city has been beset by crazed men claiming to be Messiah. As each of these has passed the craziness of tgeir beliefs have too. So it should be with this latest so-called Messiah. As we continue our Passover season, we should be reminded of the importance of our hope in God’s true liberation and not seek these aberrent teachers’ approval,” the Chief Priest stated in a press release to the public.
A man named John, who was the sole follower (other than a handful of overly distraught female patrons) to attend the sentencing, stated that “his followers are distressed and acknowledge that this is obviously the end of s brilliant but all too brief ministry.”
He was survived by a handful of brothers and cousins. His mother announced that she and a hansful of other women will wait out tommorrow’s Sabbath observances before attending to his body on the following morning. Local authorities have refused to confirm the site of his burial plot due to concerns about radical acts of  mischief by disgruntled followers; but sources say the once popular messish will be laid to rest in the Arimathea plot owned by an influential follower who recently caused a local uproar after he gave away most of his possessions to the beggars of Jerusalem.
Romsn authorities have posted 24 hour security on the site and are looking forward to a peaceful start to the busy celebrations of the Jewish people. “It looks like one potential troublemaker has been silenced and we can look forward to a more peaceful and calm season in Jerusalem.” an official from the Roman government stated, “We are encouraging all tourists who were reconsidering their annual pilgrammage to the Temple to continue to with business as usual.”


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